At school, your child may appear focused, cooperative, and earn praise for their good behavior.
But at home, you might see a very different side: meltdowns, defiance, or withdrawal. This contrast in child behavior at school and home can leave parents confused, concerned, and even frustrated.
In this article, we’ll explore the reasons behind these differences and how you can help your child thrive in both settings.
Why Does My Child Struggle at Home but Not at School?
Children often work hard to meet the expectations of teachers and peers during the school day. In a structured classroom, they may suppress frustration, boredom, or anxiety to keep up with routines and avoid conflict.
This effort can take a lot of energy, especially for children who are sensitive, shy, or have underlying school behavior issues.
Home is usually where children feel safest. They know their caregivers love them unconditionally, so they may release the emotions they’ve been holding in all day. While this is a sign that they trust you, it can be challenging to manage.
From a child psychology perspective, this pattern is common and not necessarily a sign of disrespect or manipulation.
Instead, it’s often a result of limited emotional regulation skills. At school, the rules and consistent structure give children a framework to follow. The shift to a more relaxed environment at home can cause emotions to surface in bigger ways.
Recognizing the Signs
It’s important to look beyond isolated incidents and notice patterns. Signs that your child may be struggling at home while doing well at school can include:
- Frequent meltdowns soon after returning home from school
- Irritability or defiance toward family members
- Withdrawal or refusal to talk about their day
- Trouble following home routines that they can handle at school
- Complaints of being tired, overwhelmed, or “done” after school
What Parents Can Do
Supporting your child starts with empathy. Remind yourself that their difficult behavior at home is not a personal attack. By the end of the day, they may be out of energy to manage emotions.
Here are some supportive steps you can take:
- Allow a transition period: Give your child some quiet time after school before asking about homework or chores. This can help them shift from school expectations to home life.
- Acknowledge their feelings: Use simple, validating statements like, “It sounds like you had a long day,” or “I can see you’re feeling upset.” This shows you understand their emotions, even if you can’t change what caused them.
- Keep routines predictable: Just like school has consistent schedules, having regular mealtimes, homework times, and bedtime can provide a sense of stability.
- Teach emotional regulation skills: Breathing exercises, movement breaks, or using a feelings chart can help your child express and manage emotions more effectively.
- Communicate with teachers: A strong partnership with your child’s teachers can give you a fuller picture of their behavior and help identify consistent strategies that work in both environments.
Culturally Sensitive Child Therapy and Parental Support in Brooklyn
If you’re seeking child therapy to help your child feel heard, understood, and supported, BMH Consulting Services is here.
Through psychotherapy, we provide a safe space where children can express themselves freely, ask difficult questions, and explore their thoughts without judgment.
We also offer group programs for parents, designed to help you better understand your parenting style, your child’s developmental needs, and the stressors they may be facing.
Together, we work toward building healthy communication patterns that strengthen family bonds.
Schedule an appointment today if you’re ready to take the next step toward a stronger, healthier connection with your child.